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It Takes Two To Tango, But Only One To Soften



"Love always wins over fear, Carisa, because the light always wins over the dark. Always."


My shaman teacher is staring at me matter of factly. She has just said the simplest yet most profound thing I've heard and I'm not sure she even knows it. Meanwhile, I'm in my own world deep in fear. I'm afraid. I'm scared. I've always been afraid of the dark, of the unknown, of something coming up in my life whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually that I won't have had 10+ years of training to deal with. "Woe is me" is what I'm thinking as my Shaman teacher is saying these words.


The weekend has been spent with my Shaman group learning deep techniques for clearing heavy energies and entities from people. The word 'entity' alone gives me shivers up my spine. Fear sets in.


I can't do this. I'm not strong enough. I'm not that powerful. I'm afraid.


At this point in this insanely intense weekend I've doubted my own healing abilities, I've doubted the way the laws of nature work, I've doubted history, religious texts, folklore stories of all traditions from all people of all backgrounds that have shown time and time again that the light always wins.


How in the world am I going to get through this? How am I going to help people? How am I going to get through this weekend? Again my Shaman teacher:


"It's simple really. Stand in the light. Stand in the knowledge that you ARE the light and nothing can touch you. No evil, no darkness, no fear can harm you. The light always wins over the dark. And in this same way, love always wins over fear."


I am humbled, I am in awe and the fear subsides. Throughout the rest of the weekend as fear creeps in, as the hair on the back of my neck stands up, and goosebumps of darkness appear I state over and over again: "Love always wins, love always wins, the light always wins, I am the light and nothing can harm me".


And I watch as, over and over again, the fear subsides and I am overcome with an overwhelming sense of calm, peace, power and love.


Wow, love really does always win.


As we walk through life the "demons" we battle can show up in many forms.


It's the annoying boss at work that micro-manages employees in a passive aggressive way, its the challenging family member that gets on your nerves, and it's the romantic partner that knows how to push your buttons just right. It's the emotional battles that you fight, the messages in your head that tell you "I'm not good enough", "I can't do this", or "I don't belong." It's death, rejection, loss, trauma, and heart break. It's the creepy feeling you get when you walk into a dark room. When you walk into the unknown.


But I am here to tell you it only takes one person to soften. (And I'll give you a hint as to who that person is. It's you.) It only takes one person to remain standing in the love and in the light for an entire situation, an entire room, an entire family, an entire company, an entire world full of people to begin to soften.


A client of mind recently walked through this exact practice with her mother. She has given me permission to share her story.


Her and I had spent our session talking about this practice of softening. Of her ability to stand in her power and to stand in the knowledge that we are light and the light always wins. She was facing some issues with her mother who spends a lot of time in victim mode. Her homework was to have a conversation with her mother discussing some of the issues they were having. My one requirement for her: stay in love. Her mother came charging down the stairs one evening screaming at her and her sister. She thought to herself, "Well now is a good a time as any to face this." She remained in the light and said to her mother: "Mom, we love you." My client stayed calm and as she spoke with her mother, her mother began to soften and expressed that she was actually sad. Not angry.


It just takes one person to soften. One person to stay in love to combat all kinds of fear. I was reminded recently, re-reading Conversations with God, that there are only two types of emotions: fear and love. Every single thought we think and emotion we feel comes from one or the other. The boss, the romantic partner, the family members- ANYONE that comes at us with ANYTHING - they are battling their own demons of fear. Remember this as you are facing challenges with others.


As I see it, a situation can either happen in one of two ways:


Scenario 1: Person A comes at you with fear. You respond in fear. The emotion of fear multiples, thickens, and grows in rapid succession. Soon you and Person A are arguing, yelling, or fighting. Or maybe you and Person A are no longer speaking (especially if either party has the tendency to shut down or run away). Either outcome creates a massive wound in the relationship.


Scenario 2: Person A comes at you with fear. You immediately soften as you recognize the fear in them and say, "Person A, I love you. Let's talk about this. But I want you to know that first and foremost, I love you." Or if its a more platonic relationship you might try: "I can see where you're coming from." or "I understand. Can we talk about this?" These words are delivered with as much love and calm as we can muster. We try our best. In this way you will almost immediately see the other person soften.


Love wins the battle. Always.


Try It


I encourage you to practice softening this week.

  1. First, it is important to recognize that everything that happens with people stems from either love or fear. It's also important to recognize that this is also what occurs within our own self.

  2. As you enter challenging situations say to yourself: "I am love. I am light. Light and love always win."

  3. Take a deep breath and physically feel your body soften as you exhale.

  4. Even if you don't feel it in that moment immediately get the words out: "I love you." And notice how the situation entirely shifts.

I was recently in a fear tiff with my romantic partner. I couldn't quite get the words out as fear was ruling my thoughts . So I did the best I could. While he was in the shower I wrote him a note of all the reasons I was grateful for him and left it on the counter. After he read it the situation immediately shifted from fear to love. So if you can't always get the words out, try a gesture that shows your love.


One last parting thought here.


In thinking about this softening the other day I realized - when I'm angry with someone I never not love them. The love doesn't go away just because I'm angry. And it certainly doesn't go away with one fight or a few angry words.


What makes the love go away is the fear. The fear that arises because of the situation at hand and because of the baggage that we all bring to the party. My baggage makes me want to run away or shut down. And that's how the love eventually goes away.


So remember, when people are yelling at you, know that they still love you. It's just fear rearing its ugly head and you ALWAYS have a bigger weapon to wield: Love.


You are love.


Guess what - it all is. Everything is love. Always. Remember this simple concept and watch as the fear in your life falls away.


Amor,


Carisa

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